


Terror On Four Wheels

by Morpheus626



Category: Saints Row
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626
Summary: Yet another fic about driving and my first Saints Row Boss, Ell. At the time when I first started playing the series and started writing for it, I was fighting with the driving in the PC port of SR2...that frustration may have bled into my writing a bit and led me to all these fics about it lol. This one is set during SR4.My synopsis when I first posted this on Tumblr is as follows: Kinzie wants to know why in the name of God any one of the Saints would ever voluntarily drive with the Boss, or if the Boss even has a goddamn license because come on–there’s no way the Boss has a valid license. Gat and the rest of the Saints attempt to explain, kind of. (aka this is based on the fact that my Boss (I) can’t drive for shit, especially when my computer lags–its funny, but still technically awful.)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Terror On Four Wheels

“Oh my fucking God!” Kinzie cried from her seat at the console near the simulation pods. Everyone turned to stare as she thunked her head against the keyboard of her computer and sighed in frustration.

“Kinzie…everything okay? Did the Boss break something again?” Shaundi asked cautiously.

Kinzie lifted her head from the keyboard. “Not yet they haven’t. But I’ve got a new alarm set for when they’re in the simulation, and it won’t stop going off!”

“What does it do? You didn’t mention adding this to me.” Matt said as he walked over to her and peered over her shoulder at the computer screen. “It tracks whenever the Boss crashes a car? Why would you want to track that?”

“Well, because I’ve been trying to figure out if they have a license or not based on how poorly they drive, without having to ask them, not that it matters now really but I mean if we’re going to let them drive us around in the simulation then they probably should have one, right?” Kinzie said incredulously.

“I coulda told you that. They don’t have one–never did, far as I know.” Johnny said from his spot leaned up against a pod.

Kinzie’s mouth was agape. “And you let them drive everyone almost everywhere?! Why the hell would you let them do that!" 

Johnny shrugged. "They’ve always managed pretty well. A pedestrian dies every now and again, buildings get scraped up, cars wrecked–but shit, all of us have done that once or twice." 

Pierce laughed, as he spun on the wheeled chair he was sat upon to face Johnny. "Yeah Johnny, just once or twice. We’re all model drivers otherwise.”

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Point is, it never held the Boss back. You don’t have to worry about it. Besides, we can’t die in there anyway, so no problem." 

"Well, she’s kind of got a point. I mean, yeah, the Boss does fine, but it wouldn’t hurt to give them a lesson or two. Maybe scrape up a few less cars, kill a few less pedestrians, actually arrive at a location without the police on our tail before we even do what we were headed out to do.” Shaundi said. 

“And who the hell is actually fit to teach the Boss how to drive? I’m not; I’ll admit that right now. Keith David? No. Ben? No. You? Hell no, and not Matt or Kinzie–Matt, do you even have a license?” Pierce stood and joined Matt at Kinzie’s shoulder as he talked, wincing as the alert went off again and again on the computer. “There’s only one person here who actually passed their driving test with flying colors, first try." 

Everyone turned slowly to Johnny, who shrugged again. "I was a kid who still gave half a shit about the law then, had people on my back who would’ve kept me from driving without one. So I fucking studied and got it, what’s the big fucking deal?" 

Kinzie stared him down. "You’re teaching the Boss." 

"No. Hell no. What the fuck makes you think I can make them listen to me or teach them?” Johnny scoffed.

Ben entered the room then, a tired look on his face. “Can you all argue a little bit less loudly? I shouldn’t be able to hear you all the way down there, and CID made me come up here to shut you all up.”

Johnny and Kinzie started to talk all at once, but Ben didn’t give them a chance. “Hell no, you two shut up. Johnny, Kinzie’s right–the Boss is a horrible driver. We’re lucky all we have is simulated deaths now–or we’d be up to our fucking eyeballs in legal cases asking for compensation for dead family members, killed by the goddamn President no less! So you get your ass in there and at least try. If the Boss is gonna listen to anyone about this, it’ll be you. Kinzie, if he does this then you turn off that stupid alarm that let’s you know when the Boss fucks up a car–it won’t make anyone feel better to have it on, and you know that. Johnny’ll take care of this so we won’t even need it, right Johnny?" 

There was a moment of silence as Johnny glared from over his sunglasses. "Fine. But it won’t do any fucking good, okay? I’ve been driving with the Boss before we were in a fucking simulation, and I survived, didn’t I? I mean, I get it, it isn’t always fun but they get us where we need to go in one piece generally. They could do worse." 

"You haven’t been on a plane or helicopter piloted by the Boss in awhile, have you Johnny?” Shaundi asked, a smirk on her face. 

“No, but I mean–” Johnny started. 

“Oh no, don’t let me stop you. Go on, ask them to take you on a helicopter ride over Steelport–just jump out when you want to leave though, it’ll be safer than asking them to land the thing.” Shaundi laughed as she pushed Johnny towards a pod. 

“I hate you all for this, you know that right?” Johnny asked as Shaundi and Pierce placed the metal constraints of the pod over him.

“Oh yeah, we all know.” Matt called from the console. “But better you than us, and you can let us know once you’re in there–we’ll patch in audio." 

"Already done.” Kinzie grinned as she entered in the commands necessary to let them hear all of the swearing and violence that was sure to happen.

“I’ll go make popcorn and bring up CID and Keith–this is bound to be the best entertainment we’ve had in months.” Ben said as he left the room, while everyone else settled in for the show. 

It wasn’t going to be pretty, but it was going to be fucking hilarious, and that was enough–and if it meant the Boss could turn a corner without taking out six pedestrians, then that was icing on the cake. 


End file.
